Saturday, June 16, 2007

Sometimes, We're Big Softies

Simon has apparently already begun talks to sign her to some seven-figure record deal, so very soon she'll become unbearably annoying, or plain ruined, or both.

UPDATE: So I figured I'd check to see if she won the competition. She didn't. Turns out the guy who beat her is an even better story. Check this out:

Sunday, June 03, 2007

R.I.P., Podsafe Music Info Site

So the New School finally updated their servers and, as a result, our brilliant Podsafe Music Info Site - a handy-dandy guide to the wonderful world of podsafe music that we made in about 20 minutes as a continuing ed HTML class final project - is no more. Thankfully, the New School warned us beforehand, so we were able to salvage its rich content in order to reproduce it for you here. Enjoy!


What is podsafe music? Podsafe music is a low fat alternative to actual music and, for some, the solution to the RIAA's campaign of international terrorism. With this Web site, I hope to introduce one or two people to both the wonders - and dangers - of podsafe music, which now has both its own network and its champion. Please follow the links below to begin your journey through the past, present and future of podsafe music, which sucks ass right now but once they get talented artists who can actually write lyrics to join up, then, man oh man, the record industry is in for REAL trouble.

The History of Podsafe Music

The Past

The first evidence of podsafe music was discovered in this cave drawing. It depicts the mirth and disdain of the fertility goddess after attending a show by an unsigned band. Squirting milk from her breasts was not only a prehistoric version of throwing a tomato, but also mocked the band members' inability to get women.

This podsafe group seems to date back well before the advent of recorded music, but, in truth, they had this portrait painted at a Ren Fair.

The pop artists of the '60s briefly suffered through a podsafe music period, when artists like Andy Warhol and Roy Lichtenstein decided to ignore "establishment" performers like Elvis Presley or even The Velvet Underground and go totally podsafe. The experiment did not last very long.

The Present

Of course, with the advent of the Internet and the development of the iPod, crappy musicians now had a way of truly squeezing blood from a stone; finding each and every person of bad taste in a small city was hard enough, but getting that wider, international audience was near impossible, especially with the evil record companies pissing all over their demo tapes. Now, the literally five or six people in Europe who might actually find their shit amusing could, with the simple click of a mouse, download and enjoy their tripe from the privacy of their one-bedroom apartments overlooking tiny, rat-infested alleyways. True freedom of expression was born.

The Future

Once the robots take control, who the fuck will care about podsafe music?

Podsafe Music Artists

There are hundreds if not thousands of podsafe musicians out there. None of them are very good.

Brother Love

Imagine David Lee Roth. Now imagine David Lee Roth some more. Do you still want to listen to Brother Love? If so, click here.

The Lashcshivvioussshsh Biddies

Adam Curry has a vocal orgasm whenever he plays them.

Podsafe For Peace

I implore people to check out the Podsafe for Peace Christmas track. It's mediocre at best, and Brother Love completely ruins it with his ridiculous bellowing at the end, but all proceeds go to UNICEF. I bought one.

Best Things About Podsafe Music

1. It's free -- You can download it, play it, share it and actually listen to it without being sued.
2. Actually, that's the only thing cool about it now.

Worst Things About Podsafe Music

1. It sucks -- You can download it, play it, share it and actually listen to it without being entertained.